You are important!

Hey guys!
I so sorry that I let you wait for my next post for such a long time :-(
I was too buisy for a long time and decided, that it would be better for me to take some time and rest, because I recognized, that I started to see as it as my responsibility to keep you updated and put a lot of pressure on me by myself.
BUT now I have even more to tell you about! :-)
So what I want to tell you about most are two things that I experienced this week:

Since I started to create jewelry I felt like I had an additional job to do and I asked God often to show me the right place in the Lighthouse Ministry, since I wasn't really doing good working in the Wongen Kafe' as well. A few weeks, maybe a month went by in which I was still wondering if the Wongen really was the right place for me. This might be confusing for the one's of you who experienced me during my outreach, but until now my ministry was way different compared to what I did during my last time in Thailand. I didn't really have time to do what I love to do - to create - and the students that I had built relationships to didn't come often to the café, because they spent a lot of time studying for their exams. But these two things are exactly what made me blooming up during my outreach and especially during my first month here I often felt like a fading flower.
Because of these feelings I seriously started thinking about changing my ministry to do a job that would allow me to spent a lot of time creating things and building relationships to the bargirls, but I didn't tell Emmi about it, because I wanted her to be open for me to go into another direction.
So this week she had a talk with me in which she told me, that she would like me to ask God in which of the ministries he wanted me to be! :-)
I haven't made a real decision yet, because we still have to get the jewelry making started. But I was so thankful that she asked me by herself and that she is open to where ever God leads me to!

Another experience that I made this week tells a lot about God's HUGE love for me and of course for you, too! :-)
So, when David left the Wongen Ministry in September to do his 6 month DTS I have great expectations towards God to take this time to care for each one of us. I knew that what I needed most was still a lot of healing and I started to "help" God doing his job by reading a book called "the healing path".
The book was good, but it didn't touch the wounds of my heart and because of this and the stress I went through I slowly started to forget about my expectations and even doupted, if God wanted to heal my heart.
This Thursday God showed me, that he hadn't forgotten about my desire to be healed.
He showed me through a girl that is spending two month in the Lighthouse Ministry and is joining our prayer meetings every Thursday. After one of these meetings, when I had told the staff about how my brother was doing, she came up to me and told me that she really wanted to meet and pray for me. I was a little bit confused and didn't really know why she wanted to pray for this so bad that she kept asking me to meet and pray on and on.
This past Thursday we finally made it and prayed:
Again she confused me, when she first asked me to go into a room where we would be alone and after that told me, that before she had joined a course about healing before she came to Thailand.
All the time she just prayed for me, not for my brother and asked me to ask Jesus questions about how he fells about me. It was hard for me to believe, that it was God's answers that I recieved and not just things that I made up by myself.
But the best about our meeting was when she told me that before she came to Thailand God had told her that he would show her - and enlighten - a person  IN Thailand for who she should put into action what she had learned.
So when she joined our first prayer meeting together, she looked at me and I was enlightened for her.
I almost can't believe how important I most be for God! I started to drop the desire that I had for so long and he still remembered and honored it.
And you don't even know what he had told me, when I asked him questions about myself!
I can't wait until thae girl and I will meet again, because we both had the feeling that we barely scratched the surface. But now I know, that God really WANTS to heal me and I'm just praying that I won't hinder him to do so.

I hope you enjoyed reading these two stories and you feel encouraged by it!
If you want to, I ask you to pray for me.
I really need more trust in God and of course his guidance, to decide which ministry I want to invest in.
I want to know, in which one I would grow and be joyful most!
And please pray, that God will provide the money that I need to continue! I really have not much money, but I don't want to stop taking Thai classes. I really need around 300$ for month and I ask you to pray about supporting me, even if it would be 10$ monthly.
I thank you guys for reading my blog and I hope you are happy and save where ever you are!

Be blessed! :-)

God gave you talents

Hello guys!
Another week went by and I'm ALMOST on time with my weekly post! ^^
I experienced God in a lot of different ways that week, but mainly he answered a lot of questions that I asked him during the first month of my ministry.
Let me tell you about what my God did:

During the first month of my ministry I was busy very often and I spent a lot of time with learning Thai, helping in the cafe and caring for stuff like my driving license. But I came here with the expectation that God would especially use my talents at the Wongen like he did the last time I came here. Even if I worked a lot through this month, I often felt kind of meaningless, because I didn't have enough time to be fully myself.
So I asked God really often to show me what passions he wanted me to pursue more and if he could show me WHEN I could do it.
One week ago he answered my request :)
The Lighthouse In Action will probably start a new ministry soon that will work together with Love Acts and in which we will offer the bar girls an alternative job by creating jewellery.
When I first heard about that ministry during our weekly debriefing, I felt excited like a little child. So when the responsible woman told Emmi, that she didn't know anybody who knew how to make jewellery, I jumped up and said "I DO!" :D
I kind of overestimated myself, because I honestly don't know a lot about it right now, but I just love creating and I could hold myself back. Her response was surprising for me, because she told me that she actually had my name on her mind when we praying before.

The other thing is similar to this story:
Since I went to DTS people kept asking me if I was a dancer. I love dancing, but I was always to shy to pursue this passion more, even if I really wanted to.
So when people started to ask me this question again, I told God "ok, if anybody tells me that I was looking like a dancer again, I know that you want me to dance!"
I didn't have to wait for a long time. But I still wondered about when I would have enough time to learn it. So one day Emmi just took a seat in front of me and asked "do you like to dance?"
I said "yes, why?" and she she told me, that one girl of the Wongen's staff would start HipHop classes next month and that I would be a part of it! ^^

A lot of questions and a lot of answers

Hello guys!
It's been a long time again since my last post and it happened a lot! :)
Around one week ago David's DTS in another part of Chiang Mai has started and he already had a cool experience with God! Sometimes a felt a little bit lonely, because a really close friend had gone away for six month now, but I have huge expectations for God shaping and healing each one of us during this time so much! And in this post I want to tell you about the things God already has been doing in my life:
Every Thursday morning we have a team meeting at Wongen where we discuss what had happened in each of the ministries of the Lighthouse Ministries. Normally I enjoy to listen to the other missionaries stories and testimonies so much, but on this day, I was just struggling with the question, if God really loved me. Before the meeting I had already asked him, to show me his love on this day, but often I am afraid that he just won't give an answer. When we finished updating and stared praying, quite tears where rolling down my face all the time and again I was aware of the wall around my heart that God didn't crumble completely yet.
I don't no if anybody saw me crying, because I had my eyes closed, but suddenly one of the girls of the World Race Team that lives here until the end of the month started describing a picture of me in her head, that showed a light that was entering my feet and filling my whole body, muscles and bones until it reached my face and made it shining like the sun (it's hard for me to describe it in the same words she used).
She said, that I would bring the kingdom of God wherever I would go and that I had to bring no other human with me, because God could work through me alone.
When she started talking about her vision, my heart felt like something warm laid on it and after she finished it just felt light and I experienced probably for the first time in my life, how Gods peace could feel like :)
First I was just so happy about that I was really important enough for God to give somebody a vision for me in a prayer time, that we normally spent by praying for the ministries. But later I remembered, that in I had so many role models in DTS and that - when God did a miracle in a group that I was involved in - he wouldn't have done it only through me, because of my little faith. God is so good and loving :)

Another great thing just happened yesterday:
Since my mother asked me to fast for my brother this week, I wondered a lot, if should really do it because for me there's always the danger that I could do it for the wrong purpose - loosing weight.
So on Monday I decided that I would fast until God would give me the answer of if I should fast and how I should do it. But there was another deep question on my heart this morning, like always. I wandered, what I would have to do to please God. I decided for myself, that I wouldn't run to another christian to get the answer as fast as possible and so I had to wait until one of the World Race Team girls offered me a cookie and had I tell her I couldn't eat it because I was fasting.
When she asked me "really?" I just said "I don't really know" and so I told her about my thoughts. Her reaction was surprising, when she asked me, if I knew about the David Fasting, which contains eating vegetables and fruits. That was God's answer for me, because before I talked to her I already wondered if it would be the best for me, if I could still eat vegetables and fruits. After that the next question popped out of me really quickly "how can I please God?"
She smiled and told me, that this was one of the best things I could asked and that I would get one of the best answers - I could please God in just being his daughter Jascha and that I could do nothing, that would make him loving me more.
So I ended up asking her questions that were burning on my heart for one hour, which I actually wanted to spent praying for my sick brother.
I asked, if God would be as pleased with a non-christian like he is with a christian, if a christian could ever go to hell, if he wouldn't be passionate or obedient enough and what God means by saying that he would spit us out of his mouth if we would be lukewarm.
I also told her, that I sometimes was disappointed by the way Jesus talked to some people and his disciples and that I wouldn't feel loves if somebody would talk to me like this. I wondered if Jesus would talk with everybody the same way and she told me, that he always calls her Baby girl :)
We talked so much that it would be a tonne that I still would have to write, but every answer and every verse she gave me where full of the all powerful love of God and that he would never let somebody steel us out of his hand!
The last thing she asked me was about what my deepest question towards God was and I told her, that I wonder about how much he loves me. I'm not satisfied until he loves me like crazy, so she read psalm 139 to me and told me, that she thinks, that God is even like obsessed with us! :)

That's all, I'm really happy that I finally made it to writing these experiences down and I hope that they will fill you with joy!

God bless you!

Time for a testimony

Hello guys, I hope you are all doing well!

I'm sorry that it took me some time since the last post to update my blog. In this post I basically want to tell you about how God already worked in my life, since I am in Thailand and even a few days before!

First I want to let you know, that I got my motorcycle driving licence at the past Monday! I almost couldn't believe how much my fear changed into courage when David and I went to the driving school's practicing area on Monday, only a few hours before my driving test would begin. It was actually my second try because I failed at the first time on Friday, but I got a second chance because of my results of my written test. Even if the responsible person for observing the students wasn't even seriously watching out for how the students were doing, I was just to scared to ride through the test zone. Since that experience I couldn't believe that I would ever make it to my driving licence and I spent a lot of time praying for that God would let happen whatever he wanted to. There was almost no good opportunity for me to practice before I would have my second chance on Monday, but the night before I had a dream of me encouraging another woman. On the next day I experienced a complete change of my feelings towards riding a motorcycle! In the beginning it was still not easy, but only after 45 minutes practicing I was ready to do the test! :) 

Thanks God!

me at the first minutes on the motorbike, around one hour before the test and after it, with my driving licence :)

Another story that I want to tell you is a bit longer ago. I want to use this story to encourage you, if you have doubts about if God is really that close to you and if he really hears your prayers. Around 3 weeks ago, two days before my depart from Germany I went to a charismatic church together with my mum and her husband. We wanted to go there for a long time, because my mum and I were both on the way to throw or religiousness away, that always made us afraid from things like speaking in tongues etc...

At this day the church leaders talked about prophecy and that we all could do it. From the beginning on I was nearly crying,  because I wished that God would talk to me at this church service so bad, but I couldn't really believe, that he would do so. So after a while I prayed really shortly, that God should give me a sign that he was really listening to my prayers. The sign that immediately came to my mind was the word "Goldmarie". The reason why this word came to my mind is, that I used to compare myself to this girl during my work duties at DTS and that  one of my outreach team members had a word from God for me, in which he called me his treasure and Goldmarie. 

So when the guys asked the people who of them came to the service and really wanted to receive a word from God, my mother made a hesitantly movement and I grabbed her arm and walked with her infront of the people. Almost every person who received a word for me got something about missions, what was really cool, but the best was, when I should prophecy over a lady and when she ended up comparing me with the Goldmarie, after she started to prophecy first because I had struggles with receiving a word for her :)

God is really there and he knows and loves us! I still have a lot of struggles with believing that, but I feel like God will heal my betrayed heart so that I will dare to believe in him and his love very soon!

Goldmarie

The beginning of my ministry

Hello from my beloved Thailand! :)
Finally I got some time to update my blog and put some pictures in for you. The last days have been full of caring for David's and my motorcicle driving licenses, planning and talking about how we will help out in the Wongen for the following year and recovering from our travel from Bangkok to Chiang Mai which we did in a really adventorous, old  and wet bus that surprisingly revealed a door right next to my seat in opening it up in a curve! :D

But now I wanna tell you about our last day in Bangkok which we spent with my lovely friend Palm and a friend of hers called Nicki. As some of you might know Palm moved from Chiang Mai to Bangkok a few month ago because she finished her studies and found a job there. Bangkok is around 11 hours far away from Chiang Mai, if you choose to travel by bus and someday Palm told me that she found real friends and a home in the Wongen Kafe, so I was very happy to hear that she still gets visited by her friends from Chiang Mai!
However, we spent our day in going to chinese town and having lunch there, taking the tram to the biggest market in the world and taking about how we've spent the past four month.

rainy season is a quiet rainy season...

The following night we spent travelling to Chiang Mai and arrived there safely but cold and wet at 6:00 am. 

The first thing I did, when we arrived at the Wongen was searching for a free Bed! After I got up I started  worrying about if the staff would be angry with me because I caused them so many worries with my visa, but I was welcomed so warmly that I was just happy to be at the Wongen again :)

As I said, the last days had been stressfull for David and me because we tried to get our driving lisences. David made it, but I have to try it again on monday. This is one thing you really could pray for me, because it would be really helpful for us both to have a thai driving lisence. Travelling by motorcycle is much cheaper than travelling by Song Tao and it will be a big part of my ministry.   

I really can't wait until I have more time for my ministry, which mainly is caring for the students who are coming to the Wongen and planning on activities with the other staff.

At the end of this post I want to ask you for your support in prayers and donation, because I can't do this mission without God's provision. Please pray that David and I will grow a lot in our faith and love for God and that we will always be faithfull in obeying and working for him. I'm still struggeling a lot with accepting that God really loves me. And that's the most important thing that you need if you want to experience real change in your life! So please pray for a lot of growth and provision, so that we can stay here for one year!

Thank you! :)

Finally in Thailand!

Hello from  Thailand!

Finally my boyfriend David and me made it to Bangkok after around 24 hours of traveling.
Maybe now you are wondering if I got my visa? I will tell you what happened:

A few days ago, on august 12th, I got a message from YWAM Thailand that the responsible person for my visa letter had trouble with a lady who had to sign it. He told me that he could send it to me at Monday evening (13th of august) or Tuesday morning, which was the actual date of our depart from Germany. But for some reason this message was not too shocking for me and one of my first thoughts was to go to the Thai embassy in Essen, Germany even without having received the necessary visa letter, just in case God would provide it when we would arrive in Essen. So we did on the next day which was the last day we would spend in Germany before traveling to Thailand and God provided the letter on our trip to the embassy! :)
But we still had to print the letter out and so we searched for a copy shop in Essen, but we didnt find a single copy shop and so the only thing we could do was to go the the embassy without the necessary letter. We arrived at 12 am, which actually was the time when the embassy should have closed. But anyway we had no problem with entering the embassy and the Thai women who were at the reception were really kind to me. One of them just asked me for my passport, a picture of me and the 130 Euro I had to pay for my one-year visa, so I started hoping that it would all go out well. After I finished filling out my visa appliance I asked her if she could print out the visa letter for me, like I asked her before after I entered the embassy, but she couldnt do it for me. But anyway I told her that I had to get my visa for the next day and her only response was telling me I should wait for it 20 minutes :) So, that was the story how I got my visa. Easy going :)
God is so great and even if I dont feel the great purpose for David and me being here yet, he HAS a great purpose for us!

take heart!

i know that it's only a few hours ago since i posted the last update, but today i struggled a lot with a bad      conscience because i should be much better prepared for thailand than i am right now. 

i finally sent my application to YWAM thailand and now i worry a lot if all will go out well.

i still need

- to be accepted at YWAM thailand

- my visa!!

- to make some important phone calls (and today is saturday, so i can only do it on monday)

that's quiet a lot of important things i need to organize until august 14th.
but then i listened to the song on top of this text and now i know that i have to believe that god forgives and helps me. my mistakes won't stop him from showing me his good plan for me. 
it's hard to believe that, but i hope that he will show me that it's true in making it all going well!